Are We Sexually Immature?
Maria Cheung, BSc., MPH, ABS
Registered Clinical Sexologist
Authentic Tantra Practitioner (R)
Even though it’s 2024, there is still a pervasive sense of sexual immaturity among grown adults. This manifests in many ways - adults discussing sex with the awkwardness and giggles of teenagers, struggling to manage challenges or insecurities surrounding sex and intimacy, and displaying a lack of emotional maturity, nor clear communication when it comes to sexual relationships and experiences. Just as in this video with almost 300K likes, between a mom and her child, where her primary school-aged son innocently asks about the appropriate genital anatomy of his mom, sending her into nervous giggles, she too admits that she is immature around this topic when the son, confused, asks why she’s laughing. Ironically, where the child is unencumbered by this topic, he is learning that he is approaching the topic of sexual wellness (in this case basic anatomy) more maturely than his own grown mom.
One of the most obvious signs of sexual immaturity is the propensity for adults to engage in discussions about sexuality and sexual wellness in a manner that can only be described as juvenile. We may resort to crude language, inappropriate jokes, or other immature expressions to talk about sexuality and sexual wellness. These behaviors can be indicative of several things - a discomfort with the subject, a lack of understanding, or an unwillingness to address it with the seriousness it deserves.(1)
Another manifestation of sexual immaturity is how adults tackle challenges or insecurities related to sex and intimacy. Instead of confronting these issues head-on and seeking solutions, many adults tend to sweep them under the rug. This avoidance can allow these problems to fester, creating a potential for damage and unresolved issues in their relationships over time. (2)
Is Society Fuelling the Cycle of Sexual Immaturity
Our current societal and cultural norms around sexuality and sexual wellness don’t encourage us to outgrow this cycle of sexual immaturity either. Sexuality is still shrouded in taboo, deemed private and not a topic for open conversation. (For example, the ongoing debate to this day in Canada on whether sex education should be taught in schools or not). This creates a culture of silence, shame or confusion, hindering individuals from seeking the knowledge and support they need to mature sexually starting from a lack of standard knowledge on accurate pleasure anatomy, principles of consent, nor how to communicate boundaries or desires thoughtfully.
Moreover, societal expectations around sex add to the problem. The pressure to perform or fit into a narrow acceptable view of sexual expression can lead to anxiety and feelings of inadequacy, erecting barriers to exploring our authentic sexuality and understanding desires for ourselves and others shame-free.
Why is it Imperative to Foster Sexual Maturity
In every other aspect of life, be it career or finance, we uphold the importance of a growth mindset. Why shouldn't the same apply to sex and intimacy? We should be constantly learning, growing, and improving in these areas too. This growth isn't only about acquiring more knowledge or skills, but also about developing emotional maturity and understanding our own and others' desires and needs.
Here, the ancient philosophy of Tantra provides valuable insight. Tantra suggests that maturity, skill, ease, and pleasure in life are interconnected. In fact, Tantra is a philosophy not only about sexuality, but it is an approach to maturing in life in all areas including sexuality, thereby not treating the topic of sexuality any more taboo or untouchable than another. By fostering maturity in our approach to sex and intimacy, we can enhance ease and pleasure in all aspects of our lives.
In conclusion, our society may be grappling with sexual immaturity, but this doesn't have to be the status quo. By dismantling societal and cultural barriers and fostering a growth mindset, we can evolve towards sexual maturity. This is not just about enhancing our sex lives, but also improving our relationships and overall well-being. Instead of being afraid of our sexuality, what if we all learnt to be responsible for it instead? The question remains: are we ready to break free from the cycle of sexual immaturity?
How a Sexologist can can help you become Sexually Mature and Confident?
As a sexologist, I offer a holistic approach to sexual wellness and being sexually empowered. My services include:
• Comprehensive Assessments: Understanding your medical history, lifestyle, and specific concerns judgment-free.
• Customized Treatment Plans: Tailored strategies to address your unique needs, including counseling, and education from a trauma-informed and psychosomatic lens.
• Support and Guidance: Ongoing support to help you navigate your journey towards improved pelvic health, and developing a growth mindset for intimacy and sexual wellness.
Creating a Safe and Comfortable Environment
My practice is designed to be a safe space where you can discuss your concerns without judgment. I believe in fostering a warm and inviting atmosphere, ensuring you feel heard, respected, and empowered.
Take the First Step Towards Enhanced Intimacy
Don’t let your discomfort hold you back from experiencing the intimacy and pleasure you deserve. It’s not your fault. So many of us have just not been set up for success, nor modeled how to become familiar with our own intimacy needs nor the skills to navigate achieving them in a skillful way. Take the first step towards a healthier, more fulfilling sex and intimacy life by scheduling a consultation today. Together, we can develop a personalized plan to help you reclaim your sexual satisfaction and navigate all your intimacy needs with confidence and ease.
For more information or to book an appointment with our in-house sexologist Maria click here.
References:
2024, Lehmiller, J.J., VanderDrift, L.E., & Kelly, J.R., “Sexual Communication, Satisfaction, and Condom Use Behavior in Friends with Benefits and Romantic Partners", Journal of Sex Research.
2000, Pietromonaco, P.R., & Barrett, L.F., "The Impact of Adult Attachment on Partner and Self-Attributions and Relationship Quality”, The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology